How to tame a temper tantrum without saying a word

We’ve all seen them, and we’ve all dreaded them happening to OUR child – the dreaded temper tantrum…eek!!!

While they are not something that need to be condoned or encouraged, by any means, tantrums do have a purpose; and understanding that purpose can sometimes help us as parents, or grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc., calm our child down.

Tantrums usually manifest when a child has just had enough. They’ve had enough of being told what to do; they’ve had enough of all the noises going on around them; they’ve had enough of siblings taking their things, or breaking their things. They are just done with everyone around them, and they have become overwhelmed with feelings that they don’t know what to do with.

Have you ever experienced a time where you were trying to get someone to see your side of a situation, but everything you said, they had a comeback; so much to the point where you wanted to either scream or throat chop them so they’d listen (this could be a literal or figurative throat chop)?

That is similar to how kids feel when they have a tantrum, except they may not always say it with words. They show their frustration rising through their behaviors – like clenching their fists, or teeth;  squeezing their eyes tight; wringing their hands together – the list could go on and on.

The best way to manage a tantrum is to start to notice the signals your child is giving that they are about to “lose it.” When you see this happening, you want to pull them aside and ask them calmly if something is bothering them; then you would want to use a calming strategy to help them reset and recharge (check out some of my other blogs to find some strategies that will work best for you and your child). After they are relaxed and in a calmer mindset, you would want to ask them what happened that got them upset, do they think they handled it in the best way, and what could they do differently next time?

And that is in a perfect world.

Yes, that is what we strive for, but kids do not always follow the perfect world scenario.

But really, it’s not their fault; at least, not always.

Their brain is not wired to start thinking logically about events until around age 6 or 7. And it’s not until around age 11 that they can start thinking more abstractly and hypothetically of, “If I do this, the result would be this. What are the consequences of my actions? Am I okay with that?”

So asking a 2 year old to stop and think about their actions, before they act, is literally something their brain is not wired to do at this age.

When a young child’s emotions build to a certain point, they just act. They aren’t thinking about what they’re doing; they just know they feel uncomfortable with whatever they are feeling and they want to get it out.

It’s good to have some release. However, full-on tantrum mode is less of a release, and more of a child screaming for help.

Responding to a tantrum with screams, threats, spanking, etc., only confuses your child more. There are cells in our brain, referred to as mirror neurons (you can read more about them here: The mind’s mirror), that have been shown to be the reason we respond with certain feelings to other’s actions almost as intently as we would if we were performing the action. What this means for you and your child is, if you respond to your child in a loud, aggressive, and aggravated tone, they will keep responding to you in the same tone, and things will continue to escalate. But, if you respond to them in the opposite manner, then they are more likely to calm down sooner and follow your lead.

It’s all about the direction you show them. You know they are overwhelmed, and they don’t know how to think through what they can do to calm themselves down; so you have to be the model.

But what exactly do you model?

Here are a few ways you can help tame a child’s tantrum without saying a word (and I know these can work because I’ve had to use them with my own kids as well):

Breathe. Sit down where you are and just breathe. In slowly through your nose for 7, and out slowly for 10. Continue to breathe for as long as it takes. It’s not only good practice for you so you don’t start screaming yourself, but it’s a great way to model relaxation for your child.

Give a hug. You don’t have to say anything. Just reach over and give a hug. I do want to warn, that sometimes just reaching out and hugging can be a trigger for a child to get more frustrated. So an alternative is to sit down and hold your arms out to offer the hug when they are ready. You don’t need to sit with your arms out the whole time, but every once in a while, when you see them look up, hold your arms up to signal to them you are there when they are ready.

Read a book. Preferably one that you know is their favorite. You don’t need to read out loud; just calmly start turning the pages, making happy faces as you go through.

Practice a yoga move. Yoga is a great relaxation technique for any age. You don’t need to be doing any crazy headstand moves or anything, but more simple yoga techniques like the child’s pose or corpse pose. These poses can help trigger a state of deep rest and relaxation all on their own.

Turn on music. Either fun dancing music or calm, classical music. The choice is yours and can depend on the situation. If dancing is a better distraction for your child, and it’s something they enjoy, then by all means go for the fun more upbeat music. But if focus and calm is more what you’re looking for at the time, then go for the classical.

Are there other ways that you have been successful with calming a toddler during a tantrum? I’d love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below!

Keep the dream alive! And how an accountability partner can help give you direction.

Are there times that you feel super pumped about an idea that you’ve had about starting your own business, or getting organized at home, or taking on an at-home project yourself; but then a couple of weeks or so go by and the dream is gone; the charge and excitement have been lost?

Most of the time our dreams start to fizzle because we aren’t seeing instant gratification. As human beings, we crave for things that bring us pleasure, that satisfy certain urges or feelings. So when we don’t receive what we were looking for (instantly becoming a millionaire from the hottest business idea we’ve ever had), then naturally we give up and search for something else that will gratify our desire.

Having someone to continue to motivate you and continue to build your self-esteem is fundamental in trying to achieve goals.

Here are 4 ways an accountability partner can help you keep moving in a direction to make those dreams become a reality:

  1. They give you that kick in the butt when you want to stop. When you start feeling that you can’t really make this work, that all your dreams, are just that – dreams, then your partner in crime can help give you that self-esteem boost to remind you of what you can do if you keep working at it.
  2. They will push you to stop trying to take shortcuts, and do it already! We’ve all seen those fantastic infomercials, or the never-ending Facebook ads, that tell us if we just wear this waistband contraption, then we won’t need to work out ever again. Yeah, well, we know those are most likely not going to give us the long-lasting results we are looking for in life. Your accountability partner will help keep you on track. They should act as your sounding board to tell your ideas and keep you accountable for your actions so you don’t start taking too many shortcuts.
  3. They are great for bouncing different ideas around. Starting something new, means you need to first see if this is really something that could take off, or that is a need for others. Hello guinea pig; I mean, partner!
  4. They have a different angle of looking at things. Hindsight is 20/20. This is true; but foresight with a partner is 40/40! I’d say those odds look a lot better. Brainstorming is must with all ideas, especially the more complicated they get. You can’t possibly come up with all scenarios on your own, but with someone else there to help you look at all angles, you have a better chance of looking at ways a goal needs to be tweaked to make sure it has the best opportunity at succeeding.

*Your accountability needs to be someone you trust and someone you can easily get in contact with when you need (but don’t overuse this privilege). You need to make sure that regular check-ins are going to occur to ensure maximum motivation and encouragement are keeping you on track.

I know you can do whatever your heart can dream – you must believe in it more! Good luck! I’d love to hear about any great success stories with using an accountability partner. Comment below to let us know how it went, or is going, and any other tips you’d like to share.

MMH Awareness Week

This week is Maternal Mental Health Week as promoted by the Maternal Mental Health Coalition. MMH is all about getting talking and bringing awareness to the topic and the signs that mothers, fathers and partners should all be aware of and to know when to ask for help.

To gain more information and to find more resources checkout:

And check out my video to reiterate #connectthedots:

Maternal Mental Health – Introduction

Today’s post is a video blog to briefly introduce maternal mental health and the need for more help and support if you feel you are experiencing the symptoms described.

Moms you are not alone, and you do not have to continue to tell yourself, “This is just motherhood.” About 20% of women experience postpartum mental health issues including problems bonding with their baby, overwhelming sadness and/or anxiety, problems eating & sleeping, and feeling like they are going crazy. These symptoms can begin anywhere between 0-12 months after baby is born.

With help, you can overcome these symptoms and feel better while forming a loving and lasting relationship with your baby. Watch the video below to learn more, and do not think it is weak, or you are less of a mom, reaching out for help. It takes a strong person to know when they can’t do it alone.

Forget about Resolutions: Make a New Year’s Personal Mission for 2017

It’s that time of year where everyone is talking about New Year’s Resolutions! This is an exciting time; time to start anew; time to let yourself get a fresh start, or to make changes in your life.New Year's

If your New Year’s Resolutions go anything like mine, it probably is really exciting New Year’s night, and then falls flat sometime around February 1st (if I even make it that long).

Did you know only about 8% of most Americans actually keep their resolutions?! Say what? Well, at least now I know I’m not the only one.

How can we make our resolutions stick?

Find your purpose and meaning behind the resolution, and there you will find your motivation to succeed.

Do your New Year’s resolutions sound something like this:

“I’m going to quit smoking.”

“I’m going to start working out again.”

“I will stop yelling at my kids.”


Where is your personal “why” that is motivating you, pushing you, towards achievement?


Vince Lombardi, an inspiring football coach who inspired his players with the Green Bay packers to be the most dominating team in the 60s, said this:


“The difference between a successful person and others is not lack of strength; not a lack of knowledge; but rather a lack of will.”


Making a personal mission statement can help find your will and “why” to achieve your resolution this year! According to the Cleveland Clinic, having a personal mission statement will give you that push to put in the work needed to reach your goals.


Therefore, instead of making a New Year’s Resolution, try a new spin – a New Year’s Personal Mission. Follow these easy steps from the Cleveland Clinic, to master your statement just in time for the big ball to drop:

1) Identify what you are passionate about.

2) Ask yourself what is the most important thing in your life right now.

3) Own your values and your character traits.

4) Know your strengths.

5) Brainstorm what will make the most impact in your personal life.

6) Think back on your happiest moments in your life and have them ready.

7) Identify who you most admire and the reasons you admire him/her.

8) Ask yourself if you had no limits or restraints, what would you want to do with your life?

Now, take this list and put your goal into a working plan. Here are some examples to help you get started:

“To become closer to my kids by talking to them each day about things they liked and things that they have questions about from their day; so that I can come to understand them better and learn more about what makes them happy, angry, or sad to develop more awareness for when these emotions come up and I don’t get lost and overwhelmed and lose my cool so often.”


Tada! There’s your New Year’s Personal Mission!


Still aren’t sure if this will work? Well, I believe in you and I want you to succeed, so here are more tips to help you with your mission:

  1. Say it out loud. People who actually let at least one other person know what their mission is, are 10 times more likely to succeed at achieving their mission. It holds you accountable for what you are trying to achieve. And honestly, don’t we all hate losing face?
  2. Be specific when you’re writing. A mission statement is meant to be your guide for when you forget your way. Don’t just say, “I’m going to stop yelling at my kids.” Add more depth so that when you look back you’ll remember exactly what you can do to start moving forward.
  3. Be yourself. A personal mission statement isn’t meant to change who you are at the core. It is meant to give you clarity for how you can work WITH your personality and bridge your values with your purpose to be effective.


I would love to hear what you create! Share your personal mission statements below.

You NEED to crawl before you can walk

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I know the saying usually is, you “have” to crawl before you can walk. However as a parent, I’ve learned that kids don’t always follow the exact milestones laid out before them. Sometimes they make leaps over the milestone and even go straight from sitting to walking, without any crawling.

But what I’ve also learned is more of the meaning of the phrase “crawl before you walk”. Many experts say now that crawling is just, if not more, important than walking, and is not a milestone you want to encourage your child to skip.

Parents get so excited when it comes to the milestone of walking. As soon as baby starts pulling themselves up into standing position, parents are eager to start taking their hands and walk them around the room, encouraging babies to take their own steps.

However, what some parents fail to realize is crawling is a good thing; and the longer a baby crawls before he/she walks, the stronger and more secure the baby will be with his/her ability to walk.

So, what is so important about crawling? Here are the top 6 reasons demonstrated by BBC iWonder:

Gross Motor Skills

When babies are crawling they are developing and learning to use the larger muscles in their legs, hands and arms that propel them across the floor. Clearly, these are skills you need to have to learn how to walk, run and jump. Major development: build upper body strength

Fine Motor Skills

Different from gross motor, fine motor skills are what we use to write, pick things up, button our shirts; we even use these skills for chewing and speech. Major development: strengthen the smaller muscles in the hands and fingers that allow us to perform these skills with better agility and power

Spatial Awareness

While crawling, babies are getting to learn their environment. They are learning and remembering specific things around them, how to find objects in their environment, and their relation to the world around them. By trying to maneuver around and fit their bodies through different spaces and openings, they are practicing trial and error style of learning. Major development: the start to problem-solving


Well, let’s face it; without balance we would fall flat on our faces. Major development: grace and posture when walking – neither of these two do you want to miss out on.


When babies are crawling, they are always assessing where their hands are going in relation to helping them get to the object they are trying to reach. This “binocular vision” is helpful for babies to be able to recognize and calculate distances between objects and themselves. You already know the major area where we need this – DRIVING! Also with being able to copy and write things from a blackboard, catching, etc. Major development: hand-eye coordination


The development of confidence in a person begins a lot younger than you may have believed. Taking risks and learning from their mistakes and successes, is what drives your baby to want to keep working at developing new skills and understanding more about his/herself, including their strengths and challenges. You learn and grow from both, but most importantly you learn to take pleasure in your achievements and how to overcome obstacles with self-reliance and self-belief. Major development: of course, confidence

The longer it takes for a child to start walking, really, the better. Taking their time means they are really soaking in their surroundings – watching and learning from others, observing the things around them to determine if they are safe to go, or not.

So parents, relax. Just because your child is eager to start walking right at the age of 12 months, does not necessarily mean there is something wrong.

Take this opportunity to talk to her about what she might be thinking. While he’s standing, looking as though he’s staring off into space, take the time to get on his level and make statements like, “That chair seems far doesn’t it. Don’t worry mommy is here if you fall;” or “That is a really tall bookcase. You don’t want to climb on it because it could fall on you.”

And sometimes, silence is golden. Just let her explore. Of course, you might want to follow her if she goes into a room where there are things that could hurt her; but if she’s just hanging out in the middle of the living room, with nothing around that can impale her, and you are only two feet away in the kitchen, then just check in once a while and let her figure some things out on her own.

And if you must, get off of social media and stop comparing yourself, and your child, to what you see on Facebook. Just because the picture looks good, doesn’t mean life is perfect.

Every parent struggles, at some point or another; and every child master’s different milestones at different times.

Love them; support them; and lean on others when you feel you’ve been stretched to your limit. If you think there is something physically wrong with your child, always consult; if nothing else, it can help ease your mind, or help you to put a plan into a place if needed.

Please take this 4th of July to enjoy family and cherish the freedom that we are offered here in this great country that allows us the ability to express ourselves and the liberty to ask for help when we need it.

Have a safe and wonderful independence holiday, remembering everything it means for your family, and mine!

Untitled design (5)“Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.” – Abraham Lincoln

Moms: Start supporting, not blaming

I took a break from my blogging for a moment so I could figure out what I really want to put out there in the world. What continues to inspire me and drives me to want to post. With the recent tragedies occurring in Florida, I found something that inspired me to post today.

Moms: support, don’t blame

There is no such thing as a “perfect” mom.

That needs to sink in for a minute.

There is no such thing as a PERFECT mom, or dad.

There is no rule book for parenting. No tried and true way that says if you parent this way, and this way only, your kids are going to grow up and be the most productive, well-rounded, and healthy person anyone can be.

I’m sorry to tell you, but we’re all human and being human means you learn from your own errors or from observing others mistakes.

That’s right. You as a mom have made a mistake at least once in your lifetime. You have probably yelled at your child when you were rushing to get out the door; or you turned around in the store to look at something, and look back to see your child is not right beside you where they were just one second ago.

In a split-second anything can happen. In the blink of an eye, your child can be right beside you, and then they are gone; and that panic starts to set in. The worst possible scenario plays in your head that someone has taken your child, or they have run out of the store, or the house, into the streets and could be hurt, or worse.

But then, you hear a soft giggle as you start screaming your child’s name. You beside you in clothes rack and find your child hiding and laughing. She thinks this is best game! Playing “hide and seek” with mommy! When you pull the clothes back, she yells out, “You found me!,” and gives you the biggest smile, with the squinty eyes and the cute chubby cheeks,  across her face that you just have to smile back. And then your body relaxes; your heart slows back down, and you feel that comforting feeling wash over you because you know that you just went to the extreme with your thinking of the “what ifs”, and your child was safe the whole time.

But what if they wash of relief never comes? What if your child wasn’t hiding in the clothes rack? What if the worst possible scenario just became your reality? In a flash, in the blink of an eye, your child is gone.

It is not a case of, “This would never happen to my child,” or, “I would never let my child be out of my sight.” Because if you’re being honest with yourself, at one time or another, there has been at least one moment where the panic set in, your heart began to race, and the “what ifs” flooded your mind because you couldn’t find your child immediately when you looked around the room.

I don’t say this to scare you, or to blame-shame you, but for you to realize that tragedy happens, and it’s not always because someone was being “a bad parent.” It’s because accidents, horribly disasters, take place in that split-second that you look away to your other children, or to talk to a friend or your husband. Disasters that sometimes leave parents mourning the loss of their child, instead of getting to scold them for not following rules about waiting for a parent to cross the street, or never jumping in a pool without their floaties, or never leaving a place with a stranger.

These moms don’t get to go home and say to their child, “I’m sorry mommy yelled this morning when we were running late. I love you and mommy is going to work on being more patient, or get up a little earlier so we aren’t so rushed.”

They don’t get that opportunity because their child was taken from this world by an awful and tragic accident.  One they could not have predicted or been prepared for. They were laughing and playing with their child, on a vacation, same as the rest of us do. Not knowing that something was lurking around waiting to strike and bring heartbreak and devastation upon an unwilling family.

I cannot begin to imagine what parents go through emotionally, physically, and spiritually when they suffer the loss of a child. I gratefully have never had to be in those shoes. However, even without having to deal with this kind of indescribable tragedy, I can give empathy, as I too am a parent. I can give love, because I too love my children. And I can give support, because I’m hoping that if this were to ever happen to me, that those around me would also be willing to support me as well.

So instead of trying to put blame on a mom, or dad, that are wondering how they are going to live their life without being able to hold one of their children in their arms; let’s instead try giving them empathy, love, and whatever kind of support we can bolster to let them know that as parents – the worst possible thing you could ever have to deal with is burying your child.

 “Child loss is not an event, it is an indescribable journey of Survival.” – Out of the Ashes/FB

“You have a party invitation waiting your response!” – Tips for dealing with get-togethers when you are socially challenged


To most people, this is exciting news! “Another invitation! Yes! I am ready to get my party on!” You get excited that someone thought enough about you that they wanted you to be a part of their celebration – conversing with others over drinks, dinner, and gawking at all the Pinterest flair that was used to make it a most memorable night.

But to a person who suffers from social awkwardness, or even social anxiety, the feeling they get seeing that invitation sitting on their counter, or in their inbox, is more a feeling of unease, apprehension and even anguish.

It takes a lot of energy for those that feel socially inept or just awkward in social settings, but even more energy for those that deal with social anxiety, to get out and mingle at events, making conversation with strangers or acquaintances and trying to blend in hoping nobody notices their discomfort. Using that much energy is draining, and therefore, getting invited to party after party is more dreadful than exciting.

This is what an internal conversation may sound like in the mind of someone who gets anxious at parties: “Oh gosh. Everyone is talking to someone already. What should I do? Do I just go over and stand next to someone hoping they’ll invite me to talk too? No, that would be stupid. They’ll think I’m a weirdo and what the h*!! am I doing over here butting in on their conversation. No, it’s best to just stay over here and wait for people to finish talking and then go find someone I know and talk to them. [time passes] Okay, so everyone is still talking, and I don’t see anyone moving over to talk to me. Maybe I can catch someone when they go to the bathroom, and they’re alone and then I can start a conversation with them. Wait…is that creepy?”

Do thoughts like this run through your head constantly while you’re at parties? Do you feel constant worry that you are saying the wrong thing, or think that everyone is judging you for what you said or didn’t say?

And you know what the truth of it is…

If someone wants to judge, they are going to judge you no matter what. Sticking to a corner and hoping nobody notices you may be worse than actually stepping out and making a deal with yourself that you will talk to at least 2 new people that night, and at least 3 people you already know. Not talking to people doesn’t make you immune from people, it makes it to where they don’t know the true you and what you’re really about. You can’t control other people, you can only control you.

I can feel your anxiety level already rising – your cheeks starting to burn from the blood rushing to them, your palms and armpits getting sweaty, and all kinds of thoughts rushing into your head right now of “I can’t do this; I’m going to make a fool of myself,” beginning to happen.

How do I know? Because I, too, get super anxious before a party, get-together, or  event of more than 3-4 people.

But I’ve taught myself ways to manage my thoughts and actions, that have helped me to control more of my anxiety and have more fun hanging with friends and meeting new people.

Thinking this isn’t possible and there is no way you can change?


There is a basic formula that you can follow (and practice, practice, practice) that can help you prepare for your next event:


Affirmations; Act “as if”

Conversation prep

You have to develop this formula to fit your personality and your individual style. There is not a specific, one magical way that can “cure” all social awkwardness, but plugging in your own unique method of using the formula can make this work in just about any situation.


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You want to first relax those thoughts running through your mind that are creating anxiety and fear about going to a get together and mingling with others. Your mind controls your body; once you develop ways to control your thoughts, your physiological state will change as well.

What is it that relaxes you? Is it taking a bubble bath; or maybe doing some yoga stretches; even some type of exercise, like running, or stretching? Make time for it. Work it into your routine. If you know it takes you an hour to get ready, and you really need a good 30 minute run to relax your mind, then plan for that time beforehand (um, because if you do the run after you’ve already showered, you may be turning people off for a whole ‘nother reason than just being awkward – I’m just sayin’).

And if you need some ideas of different relaxation techniques, look at some of my other posts under “relaxation” for some fun and different ways of relaxing.

Affirmations and act “as if”

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Having “words of wisdom” or “good advise”, is great and all, but here I want you to find what inspires you and motivates you to be your best.

I keep a journal of great quotes that I’ve received either through birthday cards from my parents or my husband, nice things that people have said about me, really anything that reminds me that I am a great person and people like me.

Sometimes when we let our mind take full control, and we just go through the motions, we can get wrapped up in the negative of everything going on and forget to focus on the good that goes on as well. It takes 3 positive comments to help you overcome a negative one; so keep up with all the good you hear and know about yourself. It can be useful to have a reminder.

Acting “as if” is a cognitive-behavioral therapy technique that teaches you to act “as if” you are comfortable being in a crowd, talking  to strangers and striking up conversations with old and new friends. Act “as if” people looking in your direction doesn’t bother you because you know there are way more people in the room than you that they are probably looking at.

Doing this allows your mind to settle, and your body to relax, because even pretending that you are comfortable and going around the room mingling, sends messages to your brain that everything is okay. There is nothing to fear in this situation and you are perfectly safe. Eventually people will begin to respond to your “confidence” and you will appear more approachable and someone they want to talk to, leading you to forget your worries that people think you’re weird or they don’t like you. It’s like magic!

Conversation prep

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And last but not least, prepare for the conversations you are going to have! Okay, so you can’t predict everything someone is going to say back, but you can at least prep for conversation starters.

Don’t have any clue where to even start? No worries, I’ve got you covered!

1) Politics

2) Religion

3) Exes


No. Those don’t sound like good ways to start a conversation with a stranger? Well, aren’t you smart! These are actually the topics you want to AVOID, at all costs, especially with strangers!


But, seriously, I do have some ideas of conversation starters that are usually very successful:


1) The latest Buzzfeed list you saw that you have enough information on to have follow up (i.e. that list of the 90’s toys you remember having as a kid). You could make it flow by first asking the person if they remember seeing the list, and then talking about the good and funny memories you have with one or two of the toys. *Side note: this is not a conversation that should last for an hour while you reminisce about your childhood; that would be awkward

2) Any headline in the news that doesn’t have you speaking about your opinion on any of the 3 topics to avoid.

3) Talk about your favorite team’s most recent loss or win. *Be careful sharing too much of your opinion about the players, coach or owner in case you tick someone off for talking about their favorite person on the team. Oopsie. But if they bring it up, and you agree, you could definitely roll with it.

4) The newest show or movie that is out that you loved or are really dying to see. Don’t be upset if they don’t agree and roll with it. Just follow up with asking them what was their latest favorite movie/show. People have different tastes in things, and it doesn’t mean one is more right or “cooler” than someone else’s.

5)If you are friends with some of the invitees going to the party, watch some of their social media feed and remember some of the things you can bring up in conversation like the latest trip they took, or something funny their kids did or their pet that they posted.

*Side note: No Facebook stalking. You’ll get caught and it’ll make the whole situation very awkward, which is what we want to avoid. But knowing someone’s likes and dislikes ahead of time can give you an advantage on prepping for conversation. I mean, let’s be honest, people post stuff on Facebook mainly because they want others to notice and comment on it anyway. So you’re just doing this in person.


The main thing I want you to remember is pick conversations that you can relate to. If you are funny or enjoy a good laugh, go with a humorous topic; if you are more of a scholar, then maybe go with more of a news headline. If you aren’t comfortable with the conversation YOU start, then you will feel more awkward presenting it to someone else, creating your anxiety level to rise and rise.


Finding a common interest with someone is key to the ebb and flow of conversations. You may not find that with the first person you talk to. Don’t let that get you down. Keep trying and you will find that person that shares a commonality with you.


Just BE YOU, but a more prepared you, and I know you are going to do great at your next party!!


The best way to use this formula, is to make it fit YOU and then make it part of your routine for getting ready – along with choosing your outfit, fixing your hair, etc.

**As a licensed counselor, I want to make sure and point out there is a huge difference between social discomfort and social anxiety, with the latter being a mental health disorder that you need to talk to a licensed mental health professional to help diagnose and get specific techniques for you. If the thought of even just walking in the door of a social event is so overwhelming and terrifying that you end up staying home every time, I encourage you to be brave and reach out to someone as soon as possible. If you need help locating someone, check or your local mental health resource system.

Do you have any other ideas that help you get through parties and gatherings? I’d love to hear from you! Share here or send me an email at

Making the most out of your time – skip ahead to: Week/Weekend

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Okay, so I took a little more time off from writing than I had expected. To be honest I think I was still on beach time! We had such a wonderful vacation the other week that I had to jump the series to talk about all the relaxing things that we did that I could share with you. We made the most out of our vacation and time off, which is really what it’s all about. It’s not a “vacation”, if you spend the majority of the time on your phone, checking emails, making work calls, etc. News flash — everyone needs a vacation! Your brain has to have the time to reset itself from all the hustle and bustle of your everyday life, which is what this series is all about: finding the time to reset, to get back to your best.

You know it’s time for a real vacation when you get lost in time, meaning you don’t know where family time starts, where work time starts and stops, or where time for you starts. If your brain is feeling like a jumbled mess and you’re finding it harder and harder to control the impulse to just shout at the next person who walks in your office, or, eek!, your bedroom – then let me be the first to tell you…


Not sure what to do, or where to go, to get in that much needed R&R? We took our rest and relaxation to the beach, but really it’s all about soaking in what’s around you – being a tourist for a moment in your own city/or another city and taking in the sights, smells (the good ones, at least), and opportunities to have fun that the place you choose has to offer.

Here’s a list of 6 enjoyable activities we did while on our week getaway that may give you some ideas for your next planned escape.

  1. Walk everywhere. What I loved most about our beach vacation was that we hardly ever used our car! Now, for some of you who maybe live in New York or a big city where you basically walk everywhere, every day, anyway, this may not sound so fun. But it’s a different feel when you are “strolling” along the streets to go to dinner, grab some ice cream, visit the local stores, versus rushing to get to the subway, running across the street so you aren’t hit by cabs, etc. Living in a rural area outside a big city (which I do love by the way) makes for some long days in cars. So having the opportunity to get outside and not have to fight with the littles to get in their seat and “hurry, hurry” so we aren’t late for this appointment or that, was so freeing!
  2. Get ice cream. And I mean REAL ice cream, not fro-yo, fake, soft serve ice cream (no offense to those that enjoy that), but real ice cream – the kind that melts in the cone and leaves your hands sticky and smelling like candy for the rest of the day, kind of ice cream. Oh, it was SO good!
  3. Visit the local stores. Now, if you’re like my husband, you may only see “crap that we will throw away once we get home or will just clutter my house” (got to love that man!). But for me, it took me back to my childhood to see my oldest son, who’s only 4, looking at all the beach animal figurines, and the beach toys, in just awe. He thought they were the coolest things, and of course wanted everyone he saw, and it just reminded me of a more innocent time in my life before adulthood happened with all of its responsibilities that come with it. It reminded me to enjoy the little things, and don’t get so bogged down with having to rush through life’s moments.
  4. Get a pedicure/manicure. I know; you can do this any day. But something about getting the pedi/mani while at the beach made it that much more enjoyable. I think it was because I didn’t feel like I was having to squeeze it in between a lunch hour, or running between getting off work and going to the grocery store.
  5. Play. We played in the sand, in the water, in the house. We just took the time to be with the kids and enjoy the fact that we didn’t have to run around to this practice or school or work. We built sandcastles, mud drip castles, buried each other in the sand, looked for seashells, and went night searching for crabs with flashlights. We just played with no sense of time or worry about being late for something.
  6. Make a checklist of activities you want to do beforehand, and do them. You might not be a planner, and if you aren’t, don’t make this a stressful list. But if you’re trying to make the most out of your time, especially with kids, lists can be helpful and make the trip more enjoyable. About two months before we were heading out, I had made a list with my 4 year old little and told him to think of all the things he would want to do while we were at the beach. This was mostly so that I knew how to keep him busy so I didn’t have to listen to the “I’m bored” whine while we were there. He made a list of 35 different things he wanted to do! They included the things I listed above, along with others of course, and we took the time to make sure we did each and every one of them. The delight on his face that we had made this special for him was all it took to remind me of the things that are important.

I bet some of you have fantastic ideas that you could add to this list, and I’d love to hear from you! You can either comment below, or send your thoughts to me at

Get out there and start planning your next R&R escape! Happy relaxing everyone!

Making the most of your time: Part 2 – 15 minutes

Put down those dirty dishes! Stop dusting/sweeping/mopping; just stop whatever mundane activity you have gotten yourself into that is not creating a relaxing, joyful, and exciting thrill for your life.

Are you done? Ready to read on? Okay! That’s what I’m talking about J

As you can read again in my “Part 1 of Making the most of your time- 5 minutes”, everyone has to find the time for joy, happiness, and relaxation in our crazy, busy lives. Stop right there! No excuses; remember! Yes, I know that as a mother/wife/working mom myself, the dishes have to get done at some point; the clothes need to be washed so my child isn’t wearing 4 day old pants, again (not that I would EVER do that); the floors have to get swept and mopped; yada, yada, yada. This is not a post to keep you from the things that make our lives run, but it is to remind you that without pleasure and enjoyment in our lives, we start to get bitter, angry, and just an uglier version of ourselves.

You don’t want that? Good! I don’t want that for you either. I want to help you find a distraction, or distractions, that gives your mind something else to focus on long enough to let relaxation settle in. And from there, it is more work to get your mind back on what upset you in the first place. Honestly, who needs, or wants, MORE work? Through these different posts, I’m hoping you can find something that you find time for your in life, even if it is just for 15 minutes, which will bring you back to your spunky, fun-loving, and awesome-self again! So read on to see if something will spark and ignite your reason for wanting to have more out of your life. Sometimes all it takes is a little R & R.

If you have 15 minutes alone –

Pick up a magazine

Not a tablet or your smartphone, but an actual magazine. You remember, the ones with the pages that you can touch and thumb through that doesn’t require a swipe of your finger. Yeah, that one. Read that article you saw on the front page that caught your attention and that you swore to yourself, “The next time I get a break, I’m going to start my planning my bedroom romantic escape that the article promised me I can do in under a budget of $100.” Hey, you can make that work, but right now, the point is to sit down and READ the article.


You know those posts that you read on Facebook from “friends” that drive you crazy, make you angry, or just make you think, “Really?!” – delete them from your feed. I’m not saying delete them from your total social media life, but if this is not a person that you have constant contact with, then take them off your news feed and see if you even really miss all their negative and aggravating posts that they put up on Facebook. And if you don’t, then maybe they weren’t the best for you life, anyway.

Hello, Yoga

Yoga does wonders for you mind, body, and soul. When muscles are tense and stressed, it causes added stress to the brain, leading to negative and more anxious thoughts in the mind. But the opposite effect is also true – relaxed muscles, lead to a calmer mind and more positive and constructive thoughts. Yoga can help you achieve a healthier mindset, whether you are a beginner or an expert, you can practice these moves here to achieve full relaxation and more energy in as little as 15 minutes. Try here if you need some guidance:

Podcasts are amazing

Podcasts can inspire you, make you laugh, get you thinking about your life, etc. And there are so many different kinds of podcasts, or TED Talks, whichever you prefer. You can even create your own, just to express something that made you happy, angry, etc. in as little as 15 minutes (even if it’s not something that you share with the world). The point, here is, just letting your emotions stay bundled up inside you doesn’t help anyone, and it really doesn’t help yourself chill. If you aren’t sure where to start with communicating feelings and thoughts, listen to a Podcast that teaches you about assertive communication!

Take a nap

Yes, I give you permission to zone out and rest those beautiful eyes! But notice I have put this under the 15 minute relaxation blog post. Research suggests that a nap up to 20 minutes can invigorate us and re-energize us to finish out the rest of our day strong! But any longer, and of course the research starts showing other effects – more grogginess, irritation and all those pesky feelings we were trying to subdue by taking a nap! Um, yeah, we don’t want that.

Play a game of Solitaire

With actual playing cards! If you can’t remember how to play without the computer, watch a quick YouTube video. Playing cards helps you to lose focus of what has you angry, annoyed, upset, whatever that is not relaxed feeling, and allows your mind to wander to just focusing on playing a game.

With your partner –


Studies have shown that reminiscing can bring all kinds of lovely feelings pouring in about the good ol’ times! And who doesn’t love to think back on all the fun we had when we were younger and could actually stay up past 8:30 PM! Take the time to remember all the things that brought you two together. And if that doesn’t get you feeling good, look below…

Afternoon delight

So you have 15 minutes and the kids are napping, or away with grandparents/sleepover/etc., and you are looking for some alone time…yeah, I think you can figure this one out 😉

With your kids –


Now this is not going to be your body sculpting, hard core workout that you would get in a gym. This is more let’s-pretend-we’re-a-snake type of fun and entertaining workout for you and the kids! I do this with my oldest little (he’s 4) and he asks me to do it when I forget to ask him! I let him choose 4 exercises that we do, and then I try to get him to do 1 or 2 of mine (like pushups or crunches, something easy) to demonstrate some real exercises for him. It gets them interested in exercising and gets them thinking creatively for what exercise they want to do next. And we all know how great exercise is for the brain!

Play a board game

There are some easier games that really only take about 15 minutes to play – Candy Land, Chutes & Ladders, etc. And if your kids are too old for these games, show them a fun card game, like Go Fish, or even Rummy. I love games, so I will always use any excuse to sit down with my kids when they ask me to play a game. They think it’s for them, but really, it’s for me!

Take the dog for a walk

Again, it’s all about getting away and soaking up some Vitamin D. If you get so involved in the walk and talking to your kids that it’s been over 15 minutes – who cares! And KEEP GOING!

Make a blanket fort

If you have never made a blanket fort and have no idea of what I’m talking about, you have not lived! I always loved throwing any blanket I could find over the back of the couch and the back of chairs to build a fort where I could run in and just read a book, or play with my dolls, whatever I wanted to do. And I always thought that it was the coolest thing. Now, my kids do, too! Even the 2 year old! And having fun and sharing something with them that I used to do as a kid, relaxes me every time.

Side note – I am on vacay this week, so I will be trying to stay away from electronics as much as I can. You will likely not get another post until I return, and maybe them I’ll have some other fun relaxation tips to share from the trip!

Have a safe and relaxing week, everyone!