Moms: Start supporting, not blaming

I took a break from my blogging for a moment so I could figure out what I really want to put out there in the world. What continues to inspire me and drives me to want to post. With the recent tragedies occurring in Florida, I found something that inspired me to post today.

Moms: support, don’t blame

There is no such thing as a “perfect” mom.

That needs to sink in for a minute.

There is no such thing as a PERFECT mom, or dad.

There is no rule book for parenting. No tried and true way that says if you parent this way, and this way only, your kids are going to grow up and be the most productive, well-rounded, and healthy person anyone can be.

I’m sorry to tell you, but we’re all human and being human means you learn from your own errors or from observing others mistakes.

That’s right. You as a mom have made a mistake at least once in your lifetime. You have probably yelled at your child when you were rushing to get out the door; or you turned around in the store to look at something, and look back to see your child is not right beside you where they were just one second ago.

In a split-second anything can happen. In the blink of an eye, your child can be right beside you, and then they are gone; and that panic starts to set in. The worst possible scenario plays in your head that someone has taken your child, or they have run out of the store, or the house, into the streets and could be hurt, or worse.

But then, you hear a soft giggle as you start screaming your child’s name. You beside you in clothes rack and find your child hiding and laughing. She thinks this is best game! Playing “hide and seek” with mommy! When you pull the clothes back, she yells out, “You found me!,” and gives you the biggest smile, with the squinty eyes and the cute chubby cheeks,  across her face that you just have to smile back. And then your body relaxes; your heart slows back down, and you feel that comforting feeling wash over you because you know that you just went to the extreme with your thinking of the “what ifs”, and your child was safe the whole time.

But what if they wash of relief never comes? What if your child wasn’t hiding in the clothes rack? What if the worst possible scenario just became your reality? In a flash, in the blink of an eye, your child is gone.

It is not a case of, “This would never happen to my child,” or, “I would never let my child be out of my sight.” Because if you’re being honest with yourself, at one time or another, there has been at least one moment where the panic set in, your heart began to race, and the “what ifs” flooded your mind because you couldn’t find your child immediately when you looked around the room.

I don’t say this to scare you, or to blame-shame you, but for you to realize that tragedy happens, and it’s not always because someone was being “a bad parent.” It’s because accidents, horribly disasters, take place in that split-second that you look away to your other children, or to talk to a friend or your husband. Disasters that sometimes leave parents mourning the loss of their child, instead of getting to scold them for not following rules about waiting for a parent to cross the street, or never jumping in a pool without their floaties, or never leaving a place with a stranger.

These moms don’t get to go home and say to their child, “I’m sorry mommy yelled this morning when we were running late. I love you and mommy is going to work on being more patient, or get up a little earlier so we aren’t so rushed.”

They don’t get that opportunity because their child was taken from this world by an awful and tragic accident.  One they could not have predicted or been prepared for. They were laughing and playing with their child, on a vacation, same as the rest of us do. Not knowing that something was lurking around waiting to strike and bring heartbreak and devastation upon an unwilling family.

I cannot begin to imagine what parents go through emotionally, physically, and spiritually when they suffer the loss of a child. I gratefully have never had to be in those shoes. However, even without having to deal with this kind of indescribable tragedy, I can give empathy, as I too am a parent. I can give love, because I too love my children. And I can give support, because I’m hoping that if this were to ever happen to me, that those around me would also be willing to support me as well.

So instead of trying to put blame on a mom, or dad, that are wondering how they are going to live their life without being able to hold one of their children in their arms; let’s instead try giving them empathy, love, and whatever kind of support we can bolster to let them know that as parents – the worst possible thing you could ever have to deal with is burying your child.

 “Child loss is not an event, it is an indescribable journey of Survival.” – Out of the Ashes/FB

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